2. Communicate

Peanuts: for some, a fatal food allergyOne thing that good hosts love is to delight their guests with pleasant surprises. The element of surprise is part of the fun. You bring out your special recipe or an unexpected dessert, and your guests light up with excitement.

Unfortunately, if you are expecting guests with a strict kosher standard, the element of surprise is one ingredient you will have to leave out. Remember, the goal is not to impress your guests, it is to show them hospitality, love, warmth, and friendship. They will be more impressed if you have made great strides to accommodate their inconvenient kosher needs than they would if they got to taste your secret recipe.

Imagine if you had a child with severe and complicated food allergies. You were invited to dinner with an acquaintance, and you carefully worked through and planned the meal with your host. But when you get to the main course, you find that your host has modified the plans and changed the recipe without consulting you. You don't mean to offend, but now you are placed in the awkward situation where you either have to interrogate the host about the dish, disallow your child from eating it, or accept the risk that it might harm him.

Kosher standards can be very similar. They are often very complex, and as a person learns more, they might change without notice. In addition, there is not an absolute universal standard of kosher. Even among Orthodox Jews, some people might consider something kosher, but others might feel otherwise. If you assume you know another person's kosher standards, then you put them in an uncomfortable position. Do not assume that just because you hosted one guest with a strict kosher standard that other guests will have the same concerns or restrictions.

One also should not assume that just because a food item is labeled with a hechsher (kosher certification), everyone will consider it kosher. There are some kosher certifications that certain individuals do not trust or accept.

Communication is important even if there is no question about the how strictly kosher the food is. For example, you might try to surprise your guests with sealed, kosher-certified desserts from a kosher bakery. However, your guests still might not be able to eat them if the desserts are made from dairy (or on dairy equipment) and they recently had a meal with meat.

Remember, you might not feel like your guests' kosher standards are a big deal, but they probably do. To them, it is a sin to eat food that does not match what they believe is kosher. It should not matter to you whether you think they are right or wrong; causing someone else to do something that they think is sin is as bad as committing a sin yourself.

The solution to all of this is simple: communicate, and don't make surprises. Tell your guests what you are planning to serve, and ask them if they have concerns or ideas. After all, there might be things that are easier or more lenient than you expected.